Seven Year Itch

Never have understood this “7 year itch” myth. I’ve had an itch since I was 3. Just ask my wife as I lay in bed scratching and driving her to new levels of insanity few have experienced.

Seven years ago had she known this realty, she just might have gotten an itch to say “c ya”. But lucky for me, I got her locked in, haze-grey and under-way.

Hard to believe this weekend we will have been married for 7 years and known each other for close to a decade. Without getting t0o graphic, those early days sure were fun in the sun – if you get my drift – wink, wink. After all, we did produce identical twins…

This weekend we planned a little excursion of sorts to the W Hotel in Dallas. Been FOUR-EV-ER since we have had a real adult, party night out on the town. I was pumped. Even had a sexy new lingerie outfit picked out that I felt confident and sexy in. It was gonna be one fun evening….

Then Sidney vomited.

“Hello, W Hotel in Dallas? Hi….I need to cancel our reservations for tomorrow. My child just barfed and it looks like we are going to have yet another planned hot night at home. Yes….right…yes she will likely be wearing her baby blue M&M long t-shirt and I will be in boxers. The dogs? Yea, correct….they will either be in the bed or by it….one snoring louder than me.”

Married with Children continues…


Drive-Thru Terror – Village Idiots Are On the Lose

Apparently even more villages than is usual have lost their idiots this week in the DFW area. And for me, they apparently find drive-thru lines a good place to accentuate their ignorance.

Case in point 1– we have a Chick Fi Lay right on the way from my home to my office. They know me by name. I visit nearly daily for tea or breakfast and sometimes lunch. They, like all fast food establishments, have a drive-thru line for autos.

They, like most fast food places we all frequent, have a parking lot with CLEARLY defined parking spaces at a obvious angle the place of business intends for cars to travel through said parking lot. In many cases they have separate entrance and exit points that also coincide with the direction of the parking space stripes I just mentioned. Usually these places also have at least one very visible NO ENTRANCE/EXIT ONLY sign sometimes accompanied with “guidance cones” helping out those that just can’t figure it out. Anyone with a brain can easily see that entering the parking lot going the wrong way in a feeble attempt to circumvent the drive-thru line ahead of others or for the sake of being a lazy butt is simply not going to work with cars coming head on trying to leave through the EXIT!

So here I am pulling into the parking lot heading towards the drive thru while listening to “Fake Jerry” (Jerry Jones) on my favorite AM morning show. Coming at me is a lady GOING THE WRONG WAY via the EXIT ONLY entrance. On top of that guess what… guessed it….our little Missy is playing Chatty Katty on the flippin‘ phone.

I am forced to stop in my tracks and a quick game of chicken ensues. I just sit there and stare here down with my hands lifted off the steering wheel as if to say, “Really!? I mean seriously? Are we that stupid as a society now?”

Feeling four of my five of my fingers desperately wanting to curl up leaving one standing rigid for her view I fought back the flesh and just held my ground feeling my look of exasperation was enough for her this bright, glorious Monday morning.

Her response?

She stopped her car, looked at me angrily, raised her hands at me and mouthed a few choice words that I am sure included the likes of “Lord I pray this man is truly blessed today…may his children succeed in all they do and may his business flourish like no other in the future…Amen.”

I refused to budge as I waited in line. So she spent the next 60 seconds slowly maneuvering her car between mine and the rest with just inches to spare. I have to admit I laughed out loud watching her respond to the other two cars that honked at her behind me and further relished her hilarious attempt at having to make an eight-point u-turn that took her forever and backed up the line even more.

Oh yea, she did all of this without ever putting down her phone.

Guess she was letting her village know just exactly where she was.

(case in point 2 coming soon)

Old Friend Is About to Be Blown to Shreds

Of course, most Texans all agree Texas Stadium is an icon most of us are likely to never forget. But the sad truth is she has been in a state of death and decay since the late 90’s and throughout the first decade of the new millennium she degraded beyond salvation.

Small, cramped, dirty, stinky, cold and damp. It’s over.

Bring on the dynamite. It’s time she blows.

For me personally I am going to take it hard.

Growing up a huge Cowboys fan I got my first personal Texas Stadium experience in 1983 when dad took me to a Thanksgiving Day game against the St. Louis Cardinals. I was 14 and loved every second of the Cowboys victory that day. To see the Boys for real in that loud, fan crazed place was incredible. Not to mention how awestruck I was at seeing the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders in person too!

Just seven years later in 1990 I became an actual employee of the Dallas Cowboys as I landed a part time gig working Cowboys games as a stands attendant. (bet you didn’t know that!). Yep, I had to help people find their seats and keep them out of the isles, but at halftime I got to sit wherever I wanted and watch the rest of the game. I made $25 a game and was allowed to bring my 35mm camera to the game too. It was fun watching Emmitt, Troy and Michael just getting their grove on. The playoff game against the Eagles that year was a highlight for sure!

In the 2000s, being much older and little more financially sound, I was fortunate enough to start attending more games. I was there when Troy Aikman played his last game in 1999 against the Redskins. He was pulled because of a huge hit to the head. I even told my girlfriend at the time he would never play again. I was right.

With the likes of Ebay and StubHub I found myself at many games from 2000 to 2003, many times alone, until 2004 when my business partner and I decided to buy season tickets and rent a suite to entertain our sales staff. What an experience! Friends, family, and business contacts alike shared in the fun too! Tailgating became the craze and we literally would hang out for hours before the game. Certainly more fun than watching the likes of Joey Galloway, Ryan Leaf, or Quincy Carter. Geez.

Our lease ended in 2006 and I returned to my personal season tickets for most home games. The company continued to buy seats for most home games too and the fun continued for the most part, though, until 2007, the team was terrible.

My last memory of Texas Stadium ended just like my first. With my dad at my side. The game was a cold one and the Cowboys finished the season with a terrible loss to the Baltimore Ravens, ending what should have been a promising year. It was an ironic twist of fate seeing the death of a season run along side the death of our beloved Texas Stadium.

Dad and I stood in the frozen wind and rain that night as we watched a parade of Cowboys stars take the field one last time. Dandy Don then sang “turn out the lights” and the Texas Stadium era came to an end.

The lights turned off and we headed home.

Thanks for all the memories Texas Stadium.

Boom goes the dynamite.